Oh my goodness... this is hard... so hard. I am having such an internal struggle right now. I just finished eating my lunch and I thought, "Hmmm... I am still hungry." Mind you, I JUST ate a "sandwich" that had turkey, salami, avocado, tomatoes, olives between two romaine lettuce leaves. It was delicious. So I said to my mind, that was enough food, we're not hungry, we just want more because we know it will fit. Then my mind replied, "Then how about a cookie." And everything in me said, "YEAH! LET'S DO THAT."
I walked downstairs for my lunch walk and had to walk past the little cafe that is here for convenience. And wouldn't you know... there were cookies. I walked passed, with every ounce of will I had and walked out the door. I proceeded to walk around the building next door (It has a complete sidewalk all the way around) 4 times. The whole time I was having an argument with myself.
"A cookie sounds awesome" "Yeah it does." "I dunno guys..." "Let's have two." "Yeah, two cookies, that'd be swell." "But a cookie has sugar in it." "Yeah it does!" "We love sugar." "Sugar will make us feel better. Stomach isn't really all that full right now." "Bread would have helped." "Yeah, instead of that stupid lettuce stuff." "But it is healthy and we want to lose weight." "But cookies are soooooo good" "And they make us feel good."
This went on and on while I made the first lap around the building. Then I realized, that is what I want now. That is what my body wants because in that past, that is what I gave it before. Something healthy, something as a reward for healthy. Well, the reward has changed. The reward is the weight loss.
This week has had so many ups and downs in my weight. I got all the way down to 251.5 and I was thrilled. I weighed myself the next morning and I was at 254. I nearly cried. Well, this morning, I was down 1.5 pounds, so I will take that as a win for now. I am determined to make it through today.
Remembering all this as I started the turn to the second round about, I repeated to myself, over and over again, "A cookie is not what I want most." Finally, by the end of round 2, round 3 got easier as did round 4.
I still want the cookie, very very much, but for now, I am ignoring. The Kellie's roaming in my head are still voicing their desires for the sugar or more food, but for now, they will have to wait. My stomach has more than enough food in it to sustain itself and water for now will just have to do.
It is so hard, so very hard. The desire and pull for sugar makes me feel like some sort of drug addict. I bargain it (I'll just exercise some more), I justify it (I've eaten so good this week, 15 cheats will be fine!), I try everything in my power to conceive a way to consume... more food or the cookie. It is an addiction... and it is not fun.
Here is too willpower, disciple and the ability to power through the desires for said cookie. *flexes*
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